Do More of What Makes You Happy

This mantra is fitting for the personal discoveries I’ve made during the past few months of burying myself in my newest book. I used to tell anyone who would listen that my writing talent was more a curse than anything else. Fantasies of working as a florist instead of writing always tantalized me into wishing for a different calling. 

It’s funny since I have known so many people who have wanted to write, which I always thought as so odd since I understood how hard it was, how lonely the work can be, and how confounded it is, regardless of how well or badly the work is going. 

During the past few months with my head buried back in my newest novel, I had the realization that all of my past whining about writing was the whining of someone lacking maturity and, because it’s me, mental awareness. The very reason I read obsessively growing up and read obsessively to this day is because I love words, language, and stories, all three ingredients necessary to write.

This late awakening of understanding why I felt compelled to write, even as I complained, was experiencing the joy writing brings me. It’s true when the work is going there are other emotions, not joy, that I feel. The frustration and fear when the writing is going badly or not all can be terrifying. During these past few months, I’ve learned those moments of abject terror strangely provides me a comfort in the firm belief I am doing what I am meant to be doing. This certainty is what I hold on to, even if I’ve spent an entire day playing Scrabble, scrolling fashion sites, or giving up the pretense of working and simply reading. 

I know how fortunate I am to do the thing that brings me happiness. And that it is my career. Perhaps if I weren’t a writer I would hopefully give myself permission to find things to do that make me happy. If you don’t know what things would bring you happiness, give yourself permission to take a step to discovering what that could be. For me, the realization of how much joy and happiness my work provides me has been a lesson, while late in its arrival, but one I will cherish as I continue the work of sitting.