Top 5 Quarantine 4 AM Purchases

I don’t know why, but I find 4:00 AM to be the ideal time to scroll through my social media feed and then invariably get lured by any number of items to buy, to improve my life, to improve my skin, to improve my hair, and etc. I’m not usually so easily lured by pretty pictures of thriving, luscious basil or soft and comfy lounge wear, but then I’ve never been under a quarantine in which life has been reduced to many screens and the four walls of our apartment. So, I’ve found myself clicking away, browsing various sites for comfy lounge wear, shampoos without parabens, devices that help you to grow basil or lettuce, beds for pets to help soothe them, makeup for women of a certain age, and a whole host of supplements to improve brain power, metabolism, stamina, skin, hair, and bloated bellies. You may notice a theme of ‘buy X item to improve yourself,’ a message that is so counter to what I tell my students each and every class. Perhaps it was boredom, the fact of it being the unglodly hour of 4 AM, or the general stress of having been under quarantine for so many days, but whatever the reason, here is a rundown and my review of the countless items purchased during this quarantine. 

1. Hairstory is the miracle shampoo that is free of parabens and sulfates. It cleans your hair without stripping it of its natural oils. The reason that got me to click on the purchase button was its claim of maintaining hair color for much longer, which given hair salons being shut down is an important consideration. One of their ads tells you to Marie Kondo (that crazy woman, who made a fortune off of her OCD) your shower, getting rid of all shampoos and conditioners with just their one, miracle product. So, I purchased the item, have used it during this period. Surprisingly I have gotten used to no big suds in my hair as I shampoo and more surprisingly I have found that I like the way my hair feels when I am finished. Since going to Duane Reade is as enjoyable as waiting to get a shot, I purchased another round of this item. 

2. Lunya is another company that shows up on my feed regularly. Normally lounge wear that is fashionable and soft would not be that enticing, but since most of us spend an inordinate amount of time in pajamas (really, it is amazing how you can put a sweatshirt over your pajama top and be on a zoom call and have the other participants none the wiser), I clicked away. The photos on their site were incredibly luscious, as in you could imagine yourself looking stylish in one of their jumpers or two piece pajamas that look good enough to pass for an outfit. Given my penchant for buying my pajamas at the Gap, this was a big leap for me. My purchase arrived and like it had promised was very, very soft. Unfortunately it was much more voluminous and will need some amount of tailoring for me to sit around the house in it. 

3. Smart Garden by Click and Grow was an item I had seen in one of those fancy kitchen, housewares catalogues. Of course as intrigued as I was about being able to grow herbs or lettuces in one device that does everything from providing sun and an automatic watering system, I was apparently never so bored as to actually purchase this miracle item. Given my past of having killed succulents, which are supposed to last a lifetime with little to no attention, I felt I was the perfect candidate to test this do it all item. The instructions were simple enough for a person who has a hard time reading through an entire instruction manual. I’m one of those who skip through most and then realize skipping through most was probably not a good idea when the item gets damaged or I’m not able to turn it on at all. I put the little weird pods in, plugged it into a socket and waited. The first few buds arrival was very exciting. As the buds grew, I felt like a high school student in their science class lab where each day you note the small shifts in your experiment. As of this writing I can say that I have not killed the basil plants. In fact they are thriving and will be ready soon enough to pick to use for dishes. Now I wish I had gotten the Cadillac version to grow all of those pretty artisan lettuces. 

4. Dog Calming Bed. I will admit I only clicked on this because the pictures of the dogs were do cute. I’m the same person who follows that South Korean pet daycare where all the puppies take naps on their own little beds with pillows under their heads. If you haven’t seen these, you must follow them. You can spend a few hours just looking at their feed, although I’m always wondering if they are digitally altered since I can’t imagine our dog being able to nap so peacefully on a bed with a pillow under his head. The bed arrived and our dog cared for it not at all. After a few days I assumed it was one of those worthless purchases until I caught our dog lying in it. I can’t say it calms him down, but he seems to enjoy it when the mood strikes him. More likely it will end up relegated to some corner of our apartment until one day we decide we need that corner for another worthless purchase and the bed ends up like most items, in the dumpster. 

5. Babbel. They have started offering their course for life at a major discount. Since everyone seems to be learning a new language during this time of being cooped up indoors and because of my newfound fascination with all things Swedish from watching endless Swedish detective shows, I signed up. Admittedly I couldn’t quite click on the lifetime button, but I did sign up for a few months since I figure we may be housebound for a few months still. Thus far I’ve learned how to say thank you, which I kind of knew already from having watched all of those detective shows. I find the app can now take the place of the scrolling on social media feeds at 4 AM, which I guess is a good enough endorsement. Perhaps this will help curtail the 4 AM shopping frenzy. However if there is another best of Yuliana’s Top 5 Quarantine 4 AM Purchases next month, don’t judge me too harshly. As I tell myself each day, these are historical times we are living through and surviving to the best of our abilities.

Smart Garden Basil by Click and Grow

Here’s Tyler living his best life on one of my purchases.