If Not Now, When?

This month’s mantra is probably a thought or a question each of us have asked at some point in our lives. I know I have contemplated this question more than once at different junctures of my own journey. It is easy to talk oneself out of whatever is new or different. Each obstacle we place in front of a dream or hope can just as easily be removed from obscuring the desire that prompts the question of ‘if not now, when?’. It’s a question of whether we have the courage to truly face our deepest desires, something that can be more terrifying than one would imagine. 

Over the course of the last few years, prompted by the way our lives have been upended, I have faced this question with a bit more honesty. Like everyone else, I have learned how our time here can be so ephemeral, so that this question takes on a different urgency and lure for me. 

While facing this question, I have made changes that may appear small to others, but are huge shifts for me, a result f my own ‘issues’ and neuroses. I have looked at how my personal dislike of talking on the phone can impede on the ways I nurture the meaningful relationships in my life. Let’s just say that I have come to realize text messages can not replace a good old phone call. Facing this reality, probably surprising to those close to me, I have gotten better at talking the phone. Since everything is relative and when one starts with such a low bar, let’s just say that what I view as considerable may appear as if I were a person who avoided phone calls as much as possible. 

Another change, much more significant professionally, was to face why I had not been writing the last few years. The urgency that this mantra can create has forced me to look at my professional choices, realizing that if I didn’t get to work, when would I get to work at all? 

While this mantra has been one that has hummed in the background for me the last few years, this month’s focus has again given me an opportunity to reevaluate and to change priorities. I suppose I am doing this with a certain fervor because the question, ‘if not now, when?’ is better than a question that I may be asking of ‘why had I not?’.